It’s November and here in the United States we will soon be celebrating Thanksgiving. Many of us are making plans to gather in large family groups. But did you know that November is also National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness & Family Caregivers Month? As Alzheimer’s Disease becomes more prevalent we may find that our plans frequently include family members with the disease. Maybe that is already an every day part of your life. It can be even more challenging when a parent who has Alzheimer’s lives far away. Marie Villeza speaks from experience. Here is what she has to say about this topic…
– Dr. Fraser
Caring for an elderly parent is always stressful. You have to care for his or her needs, while trying to manage your own life, which may be full of children’s needs, spouses, your own job and more.
When your parent lives in another city or state, the stress is multiplied. You worry about their needs, potential dangers and their emotional health. Add to that your own guilt (deserved or not) for not being nearby to help, and you’ve got a big glass of stress cocktail.
Parents may be hesitant to move out of the homes they’ve lived in for years or even decades, but sometimes it’s in their best interests. One of the best things you can do to plan for that is to help your parent downsize their belongings in anticipation of moving into a care facility or a smaller, more manageable home.
Begin by discussing the options with your parent. Explain why you think a move would be beneficial to him or her, and why you believe it’s needed. Remind him or her that you have their best interests at heart so that they don’t think you’re just trying to get them out of your way. You’re concerned about falls, about access to services, a loss of cognition, etc. Your parent may not be on board yet, but you can still convince him or her to start getting rid of extra stuff in preparation for their elder years.
Tackling an entire household of items is daunting, so it’s best to take it from room to room. When you’re able to visit, make a plan to tackle one room at a time. If you have to spend large amounts of time per room, be patient. Getting frustrated with your parent’s lack of ability to make a decision only exacerbates the situation. Separate items into piles of Keep, Sell and Donate. Suggest that some items might be better used by others in the family or those less fortunate.
Try encouraging him or her to put photo albums into digital form so that they can be saved and distributed to family members easily. That will help get rid of the physical clutter. Offer to get a digital photo frame that will page through hundreds of photos so she can enjoy the photos more easily.
Being unable to be physically close to your parent, you may have to lean on other family members for help. If you still have family in town, ask them to check in regularly and let you know that everything is OK. If that’s not possible, you may have to hire help to stop by and check on the senior’s needs. Research options in the area, and use the local senior services agencies to give you a good idea of what’s available. If your parent has Alzheimer’s Disease or dementia, you’ll need specialty care. Memory care facilities are especially equipped to help with these issues.
Eventually, your loved one may need to move into your home or a care facility. Luckily there are many levels of care available depending on your parent’s needs and resources. If he or she is moving into your home, emphasize how much you want them there, and that you want your own children to benefit from knowing him or her better.
While helping downsize, don’t spend the entire time working. Remember that your mom or dad wants to spend time with you, too. Dedicate time to go out to eat or take a walk together. The time you have with your elderly family member is precious.
When you’re back at your home, don’t forget to call your parent regularly. If he or she has a regular caregiver, keeping up communication will help ease your mind and make sure their care is right for them. Staying in communication helps you understand her situation and reminds her how much you love her, which is the whole point.
Caring for a senior parent from afar comes with plenty of challenges. Stay on top of communication, but forgive yourself on the days you fall a little short. You can only do so much, and the important thing is that you never stop trying.
Marie Villeza’s mission is to empower seniors against ageism by providing information they need to keep control of their own lives.
Caring for an elderly parent is always stressful. You have to care for his or her needs, while trying to manage your own life, which may be full of children’s needs, spouses, your own job and more.
When your parent lives in another city or state, the stress is multiplied. You worry about their needs, potential dangers and their emotional health. Add to that your own guilt (deserved or not) for not being nearby to help, and you’ve got a big glass of stress cocktail.
Parents may be hesitant to move out of the homes they’ve lived in for years or even decades, but sometimes it’s in their best interests. One of the best things you can do to plan for that is to help your parent downsize their belongings in anticipation of moving into a care facility or a smaller, more manageable home.
Begin by discussing the options with your parent. Explain why you think a move would be beneficial to him or her, and why you believe it’s needed. Remind him or her that you have their best interests at heart so that they don’t think you’re just trying to get them out of your way. You’re concerned about falls, about access to services, a loss of cognition, etc. Your parent may not be on board yet, but you can still convince him or her to start getting rid of extra stuff in preparation for their elder years.
Tackling an entire household of items is daunting, so it’s best to take it from room to room. When you’re able to visit, make a plan to tackle one room at a time. If you have to spend large amounts of time per room, be patient. Getting frustrated with your parent’s lack of ability to make a decision only exacerbates the situation. Separate items into piles of Keep, Sell and Donate. Suggest that some items might be better used by others in the family or those less fortunate.
Try encouraging him or her to put photo albums into digital form so that they can be saved and distributed to family members easily. That will help get rid of the physical clutter. Offer to get a digital photo frame that will page through hundreds of photos so she can enjoy the photos more easily.
Being unable to be physically close to your parent, you may have to lean on other family members for help. If you still have family in town, ask them to check in regularly and let you know that everything is OK. If that’s not possible, you may have to hire help to stop by and check on the senior’s needs. Research options in the area, and use the local senior services agencies to give you a good idea of what’s available. If your parent has Alzheimer’s Disease or dementia, you’ll need specialty care. Memory care facilities are especially equipped to help with these issues.
Eventually, your loved one may need to move into your home or a care facility. Luckily there are many levels of care available depending on your parent’s needs and resources. If he or she is moving into your home, emphasize how much you want them there, and that you want your own children to benefit from knowing him or her better.
While helping downsize, don’t spend the entire time working. Remember that your mom or dad wants to spend time with you, too. Dedicate time to go out to eat or take a walk together. The time you have with your elderly family member is precious.
When you’re back at your home, don’t forget to call your parent regularly. If he or she has a regular caregiver, keeping up communication will help ease your mind and make sure their care is right for them. Staying in communication helps you understand her situation and reminds her how much you love her, which is the whole point.
Caring for a senior parent from afar comes with plenty of challenges. Stay on top of communication, but forgive yourself on the days you fall a little short. You can only do so much, and the important thing is that you never stop trying.
